New outlook on life...

After I spent time in my coma, losing my ability to walk or speak properly, made me  fearful of life.   Afraid of being made fun of, failing if I attempted something and allowing myself to feel that disappointment, and the fear of falling, didn't allow me to leave my bed....unless I was shot up and feeling well....

After I quit using it still took sometime to get over the fear of life.  Life is scary when you are healthy and clear headed. let alone when you feel defenseless, weak, and feeble.  Kris tried so hard to pull me out of my fears...but I was stubborn.

I was terrified to try and express my fears, and I'd toy with different ideas...one was write a book....because my entire life I had been told I should write a book.  I posted that I was thinking about writing, and Aviva told me I should.

Since I was bored and sick of my stagnate life, it was time for a change.  I was so afraid of being ridiculed the only person I'd share any of my writing with was Aviva. Chapter by chapter she was eager to know what happened next.  It kept me motivated and I grew to not care if someone hated my writing.

Now that I have finished the first book, I am no longer Tanya Gross-Whitekettle, Junkie.  I am Tanya Gross-Whitekettle, Author.  With the junkie title replaced with another much more positive word, it has opened my eyes to the shell of life I lived in for two years.  Today I can proudly admit that being confined to a chair or not, my possibilities are limitless.  I just have to work hard for what I want....Disappointment is part of life. If there weren't down moments, how can you enjoy the upswing or the peak of life?

And so what if I fall (literally) because I can get up again....I have before, I'll live....I just can't forget that..