Normally, the best moment in your life is something big...ex.: wedding or birth of your first child, etc.
I took life for granted. I took too many things for granted. In my active addiction, I lost myself. I used to escape my so-called shitty life. I wanted to escape.
Not only does the addict hurt themselves, but the ones that love them are affected too. I hid my heroin use from my kids, but in trying to hide my dark secret, I neglected them. It wasn't right, and now I have to live with that. But I can't dwell.
I have been working hard to be a good role model for them and be the best Tanya I can be.
This past weekend, I was playing with Layne. Since I am in a wheelchair, my 'playing' is limited. He was sitting on my lap while I was sitting on the futon. I tickled him, and he was giggling and squealing like most 6 year old boys when they get attacked by the horrible 'tickle monster'.
Out of nowhere he stops. He looks me in the eye, his big blue eyes bright, "I love you Mommy." That is something he said to me a million times.
"I love you too buddy," I responded.
"I like hanging out with you now," he said in the most serious tone I have ever heard come from him.
"Yeah, I like hanging out too." I stated back. I had to fight crying, just hearing that made me realize what I was missing out on.
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