So the love of my life went to his hometown for a few days....I am having trouble being happy about this. Maybe I am being selfish, maybe it's the lack of trust sobriety has brought us. He just was released from house arrest, and maybe I am being sensitive when I feel like he needs to get away from me...and me only....not just the feeling of being penned up for two months.
The past couple weeks, I have started being the old me...before my torrid love affair with Ms. Heroin. I have started being the mother I imagined myself to be. Making sure the kids get ready for school, do their homework with them, etc.
I finally feel great about myself. Over 7 months clean....and I am finally good with myself. But maybe it was a little too late for it to have an affect on my relationship. I have to stay strong, and I don't NEED a man to be okay, but having one around to laugh and enjoy life with make things better...
He keeps saying about how great I am doing...and that everything will be okay. But what the hell does that mean? I know I am improving, I honestly think I am more clearheaded now than I have ever been.
Writing Six Degrees Away From Death really reminded me of where I came from. I WILL NEVER GO BACK TO THAT HELL...together or alone, my monsters and I deserve the best life I can give them...
Hey Tanya,
ReplyDeleteI know that feeling...taking a loved one's need for time for themselves personally...but we all need "me" time, so we can grow as individuals, else a relationship becomes stifling.
There's a great piece Shane Levene wrote on the subject of broken relationships over on his Memoires blog, called "Love's Down Tango" which had me lauging knowingly about my own claustrophobic relationship...
Yeah, love's down tango hahaha. It can be love's up tango if you both learn how to dance to a happy tune again...
well, the tango was never written to be happy, so let's call it anything but the blues.
Love, hugs and inspiration as always my lovely friend XxXxXxXxXxXxX