Why is addiction deemed so negative by society?
YES...addiction is destructive and deadly...it's a very negative thing. In my experience, Every addict has an excuse of why they drink or use. Something happened to break them. I don't picture any addict saying, "My life is amazing, I'm on top of the world. Here hand me that syringe." I'm not saying it isn't possible, but really not likely.
I know that MY heroin addiction, left me alone and filled with shame and self-hate. Addiction is a disease...my head and heart would scream, "STOP!! JUST FUCKING STOP!" But yet my soul was on a destructive auto-pilot mode. No matter what I wanted, NOTHING was worth that feeling, that rush, when I was using.
When I was using, no one pulled me aside to smack some sense into me....I wish they would have. I realize it's not their responsibility to save me....especially from myself. I NEEDED TO SAVE ME!!! (but in all honesty, it would have been nice.)
When I committed to not use anymore, I was ashamed to admit my mistake. Maybe it was a mix of fear and self doubt. How could I tell someone I am clean when I don't know if the next day I'm not going to relapse...Just for today...RIGHT??? Admitting and owning up to the hell you dug yourself into, isn't easy by any means.
If you give into your addiction, you let so many people down...but it feels like those people you will let down by using are waiting for you to fail...at least in my experience.
My dad was livid when he found out, and for the next year after, he'd ask, "You high?" Most of the time I'd lie. Now that I'm clean, he still asks, "You high?"
"No, Dad..." I feel like a rebellious teenager. My childhood was far from the best, and the one saying that has helped me is, The past is the past. I had to let go of my guilt and shame over the past IF I wanted a better future.
If I had any self doubt in my commitment to stay clean, the tone of disgust in his voice would drive me straight to the beloved needle....after all...heroin protected me from myself, while it secretly killed me.
Every addict knows that their addiction is deadly, but it doesn't matter.
Hey Tanya,
ReplyDeleteThat's the problem with addiction: the stigmatisation. And because of this, people rarely talk about it. They prefer to shun addicts, cut them out of their lives, as though by association they will become somehow 'contaminated'. The 'shame' involved is tremendous too. There's a whole lot more sympathy for families of addicts than for the addicts themselves up to a certain point. But there's also the eternal 'What's wrong with you, that your daughter/son/granddaughter etc became a junkie?'
Guilt, blame and shame. I'm all for legalisation and destigmatization myself, but whichever way you look at it, things ain't changing fast. It's not that I think it's a good idea that everyone just starts shooting legal heroin. In any case, that wouldn't happen. It's the fact that the street contaminants are the real killers. As I found to my cost when I was using. It nearly killed me, but your experience makes mine pale in comparison.
It's high time (no pun intended) that society takes the crime out of addiction. Takes the hate out of addiction. It only makes addicts worse. The more hate from society, the more self-hate, the more need to use, just as you say.
Great blog, great post.
Look forward to seeing your book on sale :)
Love & Inspiration,
Vee X
It's frustrating. I have known a few good people that have lost everything because of addiction...and the last thing they needed was to be beaten down more than they already are....
ReplyDeleteI wish people could see the big picture...
Hey Tanya,
ReplyDeleteYeah, me too. I think that where the world is silent, where addicts are afraid to speak out about their experiences, where addicts are anonymous, there is more room for the gutter press to scramble for the scandal,
selling newspapers on celebrity overdoses, like these lives mean nothing, simply because of we allow them to.
It's sensationalism, shock, horror, the "HOW COULD YOU?" "HOW DARE YOU?" factor...
Anyone say to the family of a surfer who gets eaten by a shark "How could they betray you and let the family down like this?" No, they say
"S/he dies doing something s/he loved"
Well, it's worse with the military: they say the same:
"S/he died doing something s/he loved, I'm so proud, so proud..."
And I wonder. I wonder.